My hiking skittles marching themselves into Auckland! 600 km done, 0 more to go (in terms of distance from the top of New Zealand to the beds we will be horizontally placed in for the next 24 hours). A well deserved shower to us all!

Te Araroa

Start of South Island

         My fave game to play on the farmland stretches other than "Let Me Accidentally Discover That This Fence Is Electric" is called "Is There A Fence I Get To Cross Before The Large Animals Up Ahead?"

             Sometimes I win, like in this photo, but then sometimes I don't, and my punishment is being ironically herded by investigatory cattle into a different paddock and eventually escaping through a bog, a thing nature invented to give life to mosquitos, and to be a straight up dick. But I always get the last laugh, in the form of eating beef. Too dark? Correct.


            Dearest New Zealand,


          Someeetimessss (this word is elongated to add emphasis and make it appropriately gayer sounding) your North Island summit views, such as this one, are like the amount of basket goals I missed at all sportz games I've ever "played", so a 10 outta 10...except for when you count that point I scored on my own net for the opposing team. Which actually is just as disappointing and sweaty as the moments I reach the top of the other 4 of 5 daily summits and the view is of absolutely nothing different than what was along the entire trail up to the summit, which are:

          a) trees,

          b) like...trees though, and

       c) I've already started going downhill because there was no "payoff", so I forget, but it was really just trees. Seriously nature, like, if you like don't let us see all your splendour from the summit of a mountain how can we like appreciate you? 

           Yours sincerely,

                 all hiking douche bags.